Unheard and Un-Helped

Yesterday was a holiday, so I didn’t try to remember my dreams and post them.  I do remember one, and since it’s still stuck with me, I though I’d better post it.

 

My mom and I were on the way to the hair shop, in the car.  I thought, “I don’t want to cut my hair, I’m trying to grow it out!”. I couldn’t cancel my appointment though because it was too late for them to reschedule someone else, and it would make my hair dresser miss out on an appointment.  I thought maybe I would get some highlights instead. I hadn’t had any highlights since high school and I wondered if I could get blonde highlights or if they would turn out orange.

When we got there, my mom was signing in.  Up on a screen were 2 questions. I kind of understood that if you answered the questions, you would be entered into a draw to win something.  My mom was busy writing down her answers, and I was asking her what it was all about.  She wouldn’t tell me, and I kept asking, but she ignored me.  How unfair of her! I was getting so angry, so frustrated, feeling unheard and unhelped.  My frustration grew.  I saw a small plastic tray like one a bill would come on, in a restaurant, with paper and pens and coins on it. I wanted to take that tray and smash it on the floor out of frustration.  And I said to myself “This must be how Bee feels when she does things like throwing herself, or something when she’s angry”.  I stopped myself, and went to sit down.  I said to my husband in Korean how angry I was with my mom, and my mom heard my tone and said “Ohp! That must be something bad!”.

I looked up at the hair menu, and saw that highlights were $1.00 each, or a whole head for $30 (or something like that)

After I woke up, I realized that that dream was a lesson about understanding my daughter.  About being able to really feel the frustration of being a toddler when you can’t communicate clearly, and have a feeling of being unheard.

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