Yesterday was a holiday, so I didn’t try to remember my dreams and post them. I do remember one, and since it’s still stuck with me, I though I’d better post it.
My mom and I were on the way to the hair shop, in the car. I thought, “I don’t want to cut my hair, I’m trying to grow it out!”. I couldn’t cancel my appointment though because it was too late for them to reschedule someone else, and it would make my hair dresser miss out on an appointment. I thought maybe I would get some highlights instead. I hadn’t had any highlights since high school and I wondered if I could get blonde highlights or if they would turn out orange.
When we got there, my mom was signing in. Up on a screen were 2 questions. I kind of understood that if you answered the questions, you would be entered into a draw to win something. My mom was busy writing down her answers, and I was asking her what it was all about. She wouldn’t tell me, and I kept asking, but she ignored me. How unfair of her! I was getting so angry, so frustrated, feeling unheard and unhelped. My frustration grew. I saw a small plastic tray like one a bill would come on, in a restaurant, with paper and pens and coins on it. I wanted to take that tray and smash it on the floor out of frustration. And I said to myself “This must be how Bee feels when she does things like throwing herself, or something when she’s angry”. I stopped myself, and went to sit down. I said to my husband in Korean how angry I was with my mom, and my mom heard my tone and said “Ohp! That must be something bad!”.
I looked up at the hair menu, and saw that highlights were $1.00 each, or a whole head for $30 (or something like that)
After I woke up, I realized that that dream was a lesson about understanding my daughter. About being able to really feel the frustration of being a toddler when you can’t communicate clearly, and have a feeling of being unheard.