Just a little warning. I’ve been doing a cleanse which seems to have resulted in some weird and restless dreams.
I was 9 months pregnant, it was my due date and I went to the hospital. The doctor checked me out and everything was fine. I was hoping that it would happen soon, and I was excited. I went back to the hospital room. I put my hand on the right side of my belly, and felt a weird feeling. It was like a strong pulsing or.. hmm.. how to describe it….. a strong vibrating pulse, made by my own muscles and not by the baby. I was worried, so I went down the hall to find someone.
I found a nurse and told her what was happening. She looked and me, didn’t smile and said “The baby is dead”. WHAT?! Then she just walked away. no other explanation. I was devastated, and I ran back to the room to tel my husband. We were so upset. I felt my belly and could feel the hard baby in the right of my belly, and still that weird pulsing feeling. I cried and wondered what I had to do. Would I have to go through an awful labour, and not welcome my baby into the world? I worried that if we were waiting, the baby was rotting in my stomach. I wanted at least to see his face.
No one came to help, no one gave me any directions, so I went back to the nurses station where three nurses were looking at a computer. I saw a doctor I knew as well and wished someone would help me. I said excuse me to the nurses, hoping that they would tell me something different, hoping there was still a chance. The came to me, very kindly and told me the same, the baby was dead.
People began to come to visit me in the hospital, but I had to tell them all that the baby had died. I realized myself that it was much better that the baby had been taken now, instead of a couple of months/years later when I wouldn’t have survived the separation after creating a stronger bond. I still wondered how the baby would be born, and someone told me not to worry that my body would digest it. AHH!